apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
