sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
