Can i not drive my cunt home
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
