As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
