did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
