My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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