Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
