Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
