you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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