There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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