Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
