WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if only i could text you this smell
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
