Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
