At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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