when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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