Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
