i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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