and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
