I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
