you didnt know i had herpes?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
