i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Mom said you looked used
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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