you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
