no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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