Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
