The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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