I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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