Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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