someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think your dad took our porno
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
