I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
