you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
