I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
