My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
