Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
