No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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