if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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