I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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