you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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