Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
