tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
