FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
