Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
