There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
