make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
