Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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