drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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