Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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