Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
