plz talk dirty to me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
