I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am spending my child support on dildos
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
