i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
