We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
