i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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