No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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