Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
