How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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