i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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