maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
